Friday, November 19, 2010

Wife struggling

I was excited when I came out to my wife, and felt like I could live out of the closet more.  That hasn't really turned out to be.  She wants to be accepting, but she's not.  She's ok with everything, so long as she can ignore it and it doesn't affect her.  (But she's fine with me cleaning lots, and cooking, and being understanding, and being compassionate, and all the other things my feminine side brings forth.)

She hasn't been hostile about it, but she really just doesn't know how to mesh her feelings about being hetero and wanting to be the girl and wanting things to be like they have been, with her wanting to allow me to be me and not to be judgmental. 

She asked last night what would be ideal for me.  I told her that I wish we could talk about it like friends.  Like, she was looking at dresses online earlier, and I wished that we could look/talk about together.  Or, if she was out and happened to pick up something nice for me (makeup, clothes, etc).

It's a lot to ask for, given her current state of (non-)acceptance.  I'm just so used to her being my best friend, that's it's tough to be distant from her about this.  I'm trying to do my best about not pushing her boundaries (and haven't even dressed up in private since I came out).

I hope she comes to terms with it soon.   

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