Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Who I am

Since I started this blog, I've figured out my gender identity and how it'll impact my life, and since it's kinda important to the story I figured I should share.

I believe I am transgendered.  I believe I'm a lesbian woman with the body of a man.  I've felt more like a girl than a boy in some ways for a long time.  I wouldn't have always described it like that.. but the feelings have been there.  After I figured this out a week or so ago, I've felt much better.  I no longer feel guilty for liking girl things.  I didn't realize how much that was a part of my life until I tried to push it all out.  After that I admitted it to myself and my wife and allowed myself to be happy.

I don't have any plans to transition to living as a woman.  I guess more accurately, I don't plan to dress publicly with people I know.  I'm very comfortable with my feelings now, and I don't feel like less of a transgendered girl if I'm dressing like a boy.  I have young kids, and have an important job in one of the many states that allows discrimination against the transgendered, and my wife likes many things about my boy body.  So, I'm fine with dressing mostly like a boy, and it doesn't change how I feel.

That said, my wife has been very indulgent of my girly side lately.  I went out and bought my first outfit and makeup with her approval, and she bought me some sleepwear and painted my nails.  I don't _need_ to be a girl on the outside to be happy... but I do like it, and it makes me very happy to see my wife accepting me.

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