I woke up early this morning. Like most mornings I wake up early, I daydreamed about going shopping for makeup and clothes. But this morning was different. My wife knows my secret. This morning I had the confidence to do it.
So, I got out of bed, got dressed (boy-mode), got my car keys... and realized I forgot my phone in the bedroom. Crap. So I quietly went back into the bedroom, and Wife woke up. So I told her I was going off to shop for myself, and she was ok, so off I went. Bravely got into the car, and drove there. Bravely entered the store. Bravely picked out cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Bravely walked to the other side of the store to makeup. Nervously walked past the makeup aisles. Ha! I could do this. It's National Transgender remembrance day for $deity sakes.
Pulled myself together, walked down the aisle, Floor Sweeper! Crap! Dart away. No, I can do this. Walked down the aisle and started looking. OMG this is tough. There's so many things and I don't know what I want. My makeup guide says mascara, eyeliner, lip gloss, blush, concealer. Why are there so many things, and why are so many of the good colors out of stock! Oo.. there's nail polish. That sounds fun. I'll get that. Lip gloss, check. So many eye shadows, and those aren't on my list, so ignoring for now. Walking back and forth, trying to be confident. I don't want to leave with just nail polish and lip gloss. With as much effort as I've put into thinking about this, I need to make it worth it. Ooo.. there's mascara. Brown/black, done. Yay me. As I was walking away from the aisle, I saw another boy-dressed person walk past the aisle, then quickly dart in a pick something up before walking out. I was more confident than that. I'm proud of myself. Next, lets look at clothes.
I walk into the empty Women's clothing section, hoping to find a 36A bra, and maybe something uni-sex looking to sleep in. 36A bra's just don't exist, do they? Looked at 34A bras, and even they were expecting to be filled with more boob than I have. Seems like that's not to be. Oh well, look around. Found some nice panties in my size (I think!). Oh wow, those jeans are cute! And on sale! Gawd I love a bargain. Ok, if I'm buying jeans, I need a top. This T is cute, and it says Rookie on it. That's me! And they have it in my size. Score!. So, How about sleepwear. Too girly. My legs are too long. This is too ugly. Nope, not today. Hey, they have wireless, shapeless bras that are just S,M,L. Hm, that might work. OK, arm is twisted, I'll pick one up. I think that's good. Now need to checkout.
I picked this store because I knew it'd be mostly empty, and they have self-checkout. The self-checkouts are empty, apart from the cashier overseeing them. Super. I'm feeling cautiously confident, still. I hope the cashier doesn't offer to help be bag, but I'll be ok if she does. I get everything rung up and bagged without incident. All done, items in bag. I did it! Yay me!
I walked into the store when it was dark, and came out to sunlight. The metaphor wasn't lost on me. Driving home, Shania Twain's I feel a woman came on the radio. I don't normally listen to stations that would play that, so it's a stunning coincidence. I really couldn't have made this stuff up.
I got home, and my wife was laying in bed looking at the internets on her phone. I was very happy walking in, and told her about the song, and about my good bargains. I asked if she wanted to look through things with me, and she said she couldn't yet. I snuggled her for a bit, and a couple minutes later her curiosity took over, and she changed her mind. She said, "I like looking at clothes, so ok." So I took everything out one by one, and let her to critique my purchases and give me tips on sizing and style. It was a wonderful morning.